the sun always comes out after the rain

2011-04-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

Why does life seem more and more meaningless day by day? Where the light of hope there is’s supposed to refresh me? Sometimes I wonder why people were put into this earth for. I am sorry for doubting but are we really here for a purpose? Everyone says that if I put my faith in the Lord I’ll find a breakthrough but everything’s getting darker and darker as I am finding lesser and lesser meaning to my life on this earth. Why do so many other people seem to go through life smoother than I and succeed too?
Now I realized how much of a burden I am to so many people: my family and all those friends who really care about me. I am sorry I give you trouble. I really am. I wonder if it would really be better if I didn’t exist or if I cease to exist in the near future…

2011-03-03T09:28:00.001-08:00

I am tired. Very tired. When am I going to find some relieve? There is always a never-ending pile of work to be done and when things get delayed by some irresponsible people, I end up having to suffer with them or worse still, suffer for them. I don’t want to go through this anymore but nothing seems to be working. I feel like I am going to break soon but no one will ever care. Seriously, now I do not feel any or much love or care from my friends. These are the people I am seeing most of the day and I rely on. Putting up a front isn’t going to help but I cannot help it. Looks like no one actually understands me anymore. I am on the verge of breaking and I do not know who to turn to. All I wish now is that all these pain can be evaporated away like my tears now…

geraldine~

2011-03-01T06:07:00.001-08:00

You are one of my really good friends and we happen to work together for a project this year. As a good friend of mine, I do not keep it from you. You do know how much work and commitments I have. I am much drained. I know that you are busy with studies since there are exams and all this week but so am I. I do still have another piano exam. I wish you would not ask for extensions for the project work once it is mentioned. Instead, look at the piece of work given to you before you comment. I know the work is sometimes a lot and I would very much like to give an extension. If really needed, I would. The reason I’m not doing so this time because the schedule is too tight. Furthermore, the workload is not too much and I have already planned and taken different tests into consideration. I know you might not like it that I’m not giving extensions and am rushing so much, if you do happen to read it, but please do know: I really do want to give extensions but I just really cannot. The tight schedule and the heavy amount of work are way too much for me to allow a break. I really treasure our friendship and I do not want it to break so I really wish you would try to understand. I am afraid. With the stress that I am holding, I might just blast off at you anytime. What will happen to our friendship then?

geraldine~

2011-02-27T08:32:00.000-08:00

I hate to be lied to. Even if it’s not a nice comment, I rather you say it to my face. It’s easier.
However, why is it that I cannot hate you after being betrayed by you? I really did love you to an extent so why is it that you had to hurt me? Disappointment. Anger. Agony. In the end, pain won it all.
It was my birthday. Why did it have to find out on that day? I tried to stir up some hate for you but I couldn’t. As tears ran down controllably, I felt so numb from the hurt you caused me. I trusted you so much. So why? I really wished to close my eyes, sleep and wake up to find out that this was just a nightmare. But no, life isn’t that smooth.
I feel stupid for trusting you. Why did I let you come into my heart? It made me realized that maybe I have been too trusting. Well, I have to thank you for one thing. And that is, I will learn not to trust anyone so easily anymore. Not even if facts seem to say that that person is trustworthy. No more will I be that stupid and let someone else hurt me. It has happened too many times.
Someone once told me that if we cling too hard, things will only get difficult as it will break. So I should learn to let go. Learn not to take everything to heart even if it’s the closet friends. Cause for all I know, I’ll get hurt again…

geraldine~

2011-02-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

i'm 16 now. i know i said i wanted to be mature in this new year that i'm going to walk. just only minutes into my birthday and i'm already childish. but i don't know can you blame me? my birthday falls on the 25th of february every year. but at home, it's always 27th of february that my birthday is celebrated, that's y brother's birth date. he's he guy for that day and everytime i don't feel like my birthday should be celebrated then. unfair i can cry out but nothing's ever done. nothing can be done. maybe i should just change my birthday to the 27 of february.
childish i know. but hey, i have selfish feelings too.

turning 16

2011-02-24T02:36:00.000-08:00

It’s 15 mins after 7pm now. In about 4 hours and 45 mins, I’ll be 16. I don’t know whether I’m looking forward to it. My parents say that it’s time for me to be more 淑女 but that will mean end of my fun><
Anyway, I think for this year, I should set some resolutions.
1. Be more matured
2. Dare
3. Shhhh… ^^
Well, I guess this will be my resolution until I turn 17(:
geraldine~

2011-02-06T06:49:00.000-08:00

I think I might be falling for you. Yet at the same time, I am not sure. Am I really falling for you or is it my heart playing a trick on me? You are important to me and I treasure our close friendship; therefore, I do not want to lose it or let things become awkward between us. Maybe you might not mind but I do.
To stop a flower from blooming, there are many ways but I might just kill it. Cruel fate leaves us without choices sometimes. Why can’t things stay at status quo without our feelings messing things up? I don’t care. This time, I will not let things be messed up. Once water slips through your fingers, there is no way that you can get it back…

“The world would be better off without your existence.”
Where have I heard that before? I no longer remember. I no longer fear all these comments and the pain they might bring.
Walking with my shadow as my companion, I have learnt to enjoy it. Emo? Gloomy? Weird? I do not care. I like the silence and peace that comes with it. They say for every gain, there is a price you have to pay. I do not mind this if it means I could get away from the noise.

~drowning myself in the sweet embrace of peace~

2011-01-26T05:00:00.001-08:00

In the end, we’re always quarreling and when we do it’s bad. I don’t know what I should do. Nobody cares to tell me what they’re really feeling. I don’t know what you all expect me to do but I certainly will not know what you’re thinking unless you tell me. I try to read and never seem to get it right. As a result, things just get worse and worse and nothing’s ever solved. I’m too tired and drained to go on trying cause I think what I’m doing is right but it happens that it isn’t. I’m trying my best to make you all happy but my efforts seem worthless. If this were to go on, I don’t know how long we’ll last. I’m scared of what the future brings to our friendship but nothing’s working.
Should I just let go of everything? Or should I hold on? We’re no longer the same but were we ever?

“The world would be better off without your existence”
Many times this year I’ve heard many variations of this sentence. Whether it was jokingly or menacingly, I cannot remember. Who was it who told me that? I can no longer remember. So long ago yet so recent…
What is existence? If it’s all this pain, maybe it would be better if I didn’t exist…

2010-12-01T05:42:00.000-08:00

Lord,i know that many times i've said i believe you're real but there are sometimes where i wonder "is he real?"
it never really occur to me but i wonder if the reason why i am afraid of the supernatural is because the Lord is real. it hit me that why is it that people who do not believe in the Lord do not fear the supernatural as much as i do? is it cause he's real that's why evil will haunt those who believe?
if that is so, Lord, please help me. i am just a man. i fear and have my selfish reasons. i do not want to fear. i know that my reason to know you isn't really pure. i just really want to rid the fear. but Lord, i am trying. protected, i cannot stand fear that overwhelms me. so Lord, i give myself up to you and pray that you'll help me.
in Jesus' name i pray
amen

2010-12-01T01:41:00.001-08:00

I was looking for articles for LA when I came across this story which caught my attention. The topic I was looking for was “Family and society”. Reading the beginning of this story, I really did not get the link. It was until I read the last line did I realize what he was saying... or rather in my understanding. Interesting story. Not straightforward but it still is good.

“There’s a little story that’s I’ve always enjoyed. There was a hunter. One day while looking for game in the forest, he came across a Buddhist monk. He stopped to talk with the monk who told him about the five precepts. “But,” said the hunter, “I’m a hunter. I can’t even observe the first precept.” “Then,” said the monk, “Observe one of them. If you are married, avoid adultery.”
Some time later, the hunter caught a fine deer which he took to the market to sell. There, the deer was bought by the beautiful wife of a very wealthy business man. She asked the hunter to bring it home as it was very heavy. The hunter did as he was told, but when he got there, he found out that the woman really wanted him and not the deer at all. Now the woman’s husband was supposed to be away on business, so the way was open, but the hunter remembered his promise to avoid adultery, and so he declined. Now the husband suspected his wife and hadn’t gone away at all. When the hunter refused the woman’s offer, the husband came out of his hiding place, and to show his appreciation of the hunter’s conduct, he offered him a position in his company. So the hunter was able to give up killing after all. The moral of the story is: no matter how small a step it may be, we need to start somewhere, and then one thing will lead to another.”
To read the whole article, go to: http://peterdellasantina.org/articles/family_and_society.htm

2010-09-23T07:42:00.000-07:00

There’s more to it than an eye can normally see. Don’t judge comments or situations just because of a single little comment. For all you know the truth might just be otherwise.

GPA for term 3 totally sucks. Hard to accept and would tear when I try to say it out but well always look on the bright side. There’s might be a great big storm with loads of thunder and lightning that would scare us but after the rain , there’s always going to be a sun. so I’m going to continue waiting for that day that I can sit and bath in the glory and warmness of the sunshine…

2010-08-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

okayyy... on a lighter note, i realised that i have yet to finish my recount of my sabah trip. but well, i've like zip zed zero time now so i'm just going to leave it to the next time. hahs... heh^^
was looking through the photos and i saw that eye-candy AGAIN!!!
hahas... i still think he was the zui shuai among the rest. damn funny when i was recalling my trip. but i still miss it...
ahhhhhh.... i wanna go back!!!

2010-08-30T06:24:00.000-07:00

i feel like i'm being thrown into a never-ending pit of stress and am unable to get out.
life's just cruel...
my aunts keep teeling me to destress but i just can't seem to find the time.moreover, daddy and mummy suspects that all the late nights i put up with the computer is not on homework but on leisure. so if i were to spend time destressing, i'm afraid that that will become their evidence to say that i'm not doing work but procrastinating,etc.
jingyee's stressed out by work, marvin's stressed out by the NJRC competition(jiayous marvin!). i don't want to add on to their troubles. but now, it feels like i've no one to rely on. the shield of coldness i built around me have slowly melted for some reason?! and in my vunerability(emotionally--- arrrgh! stupid!), everyone's unfeelingness it me hard and it hurts. a lot. i don't know what to do. i really just need to find a place to lick my wounds.

so so many things to deal with. family, friends, work -- life. nothing's going my way and i feel used and then abandoned. come to think of it, it has always been like that. nothing i do seems appreciated and i feel like somebody people see as a convenient stepping stone ( to what?!). just use me cause i dont usually say anything to you. but it hurts, especially when it is bythe people you consider close friends. "ILY" i've seen so many of them in people's messages. but i don't feel their "L". maybe "ILY" really is a stupid aconym for "I LOVE YOU".
do i really belong? i don't know anymore...

i believe that how you treat a gift will reflect how muc that person means to you. in the recent years, i feel that you no longer seem to cherish the things i give you. in the past, you'll keep them nicely in a box and take them out occasionally to look at them. now, they seem to be something that was just given to you, nothing special about them, just "left on the shelf to collect dust". no matter how many times i express my displeasure, you'll always have the same excuses but never once did you do something about it. "thank you"s no longer come so easily. take it and nothing is said. i know i seem to be making a big fuss aboiut something so trival but every little action counts. and it hurts to see a lack of action... i guess i;m no longer that special in your heart...

" the old couple was standing over her. the gun hung in from the woman's hand. as the bailiff reached in, the woman bent closer. "my baby died. we had nothing left of her, nothing but her name, elizabeth amanda creiss. every time we hear her name on the news, see her name in the papers under your picture, it tears us up. all we had left was her name. and you made a travesty of it."
HEARING HER NAME
by susan dunlap"
amazing how much that couple loved their child...

my whold world crashed.and with it my hopes and aspirations. everytime i tried to revive that already gone world, that already dead love,i fail.
now, all i want is to create a new world. a new world where i call the shots. where i will no longer get hurt. even ig it means sacrifice, i want to do it. cause once this new world is created, i will let no one. no one to ever hurt me again. should i every get hurt again it has to be because of me. no one will ever destroy my world again. but can i really do it?

i'm tired and energy is just slowly sapping away from me... what can i rely on?

2010-08-22T05:24:00.000-07:00

“I love you” were the words you said. And of all the words you said, they were the only ones I remembered so very clearly cause they were just so sweet. Though I had to read between the lines and although I could not really accept the love you gave me but to have heard those words sparked a warm flame in me. I believed and trusted you. But actions speak louder than words. Your actions never met with your words and it made me feel insecure. Though I don’t have any feelings for you but your actions sometimes reminded me of him and it was hurting. Was I the only one who wanted to know you? I don’t know but I kinda feel like I rely in you like one does with an older brother. That I wasn’t alone and had someone to fall back on. Then, after that, I realize that that might just not be the case and I’ll feel alone again. I felt like I was lied to and was stupid for trusting you. Hurt many times by different situations that come from the same root – betrayal, I was an idiot for going back again and again to experience the same hurt again and again, just that it hurt more every single time as I chastised myself more every time for the same old thing. You didn’t betray I but it gave me a sense of insecurity and I slowly lost trust in you. I’m sorry. But can I really trust you and lean on you? Or will be another one of the “trust me” that I’ve heard but didn’t last? I don’t know what to do anymore. It feels like I’ve fallen into a never-ending world of fear and pain and cannot get out…

Promises broken, lost loves… and the “trust me” that didn't last.

2010-07-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

“You’ve left my life once and for all. All the moments spent with you have now become only lingering memories that were once a part of my life. My feelings for you are still lingering but soon they will fade off and it will be like they have never existed. It is true I loved you but you’ve moved on and so will I. no longer will I try to go back to those times, I’d rather keep you as a memory. Simple were your actions but it hurt me a great deal so I’m going to let that wound heal and never let you hurt me again. Thank you for being a part of my life but I guess I’m going to close up this chapter of my life.”
I say all this and wish to do them but your face keeps appearing in my head when my mind drifts away. I’m angry and hurt at you for avoiding me so why can’t I forget you? I don’t really blame you though. I guess you just didn’t know what to do. I have no intention for you to return my feelings. I don’t want you to. I just want to erase your existence from my world…

Mature. Childish. That’s the two words I have remembered people describe me. Ironic that they’re contradicting right? Hahahs. I wonder… which one of them really describes me?
In the end, I realized they both did at different times. Cause I’ve already confused my real self. I don’t know which is the real me.
In the past, I was “independent” and I was able to do many things on my own. Hahs. And now?
Thinking back, I was “independent” until I realized the painful truth about relationships. It hurt me so much that it made me fearful and then dependant on the many relationships I have with the people around me. I started to learn to please others, losing my own confident self. Hannah’s leaving, 2 years ago, made it worse. She was a very dear part of my life. With all the falls I met with the many relationships with family and friends, I am left here wondering who I really am. The mature, confident person? Or the childish, learning to please people person? I don’t know…
Hey heys! Gonna report about my Sabah trip in the june hols from 12 june to 19 june. Very late report but yea…
Day 1
Everything was pretty much okay(: reached kota kinabalu airport late cause we departed late and my family spent the first minutes walking up and down the same stretch of road. Why? I still haven’t found out >_< put some of our things at lavender lodge then headed to check some place where they sold souvenirs. Couldn’t find any suitable souvenir for SE-JJ): then went to have lunch at Fairy Garden restaurant. Was kinda like the fairy gardens usually described in storybooks – full of flowers. Quite beautiful(: but seriously was not pleased with their inefficiency!!! Resort at Masilau was quite nice^_^ was like in a hut in the woods. I LIKE!!! ^_^ settled down for awhile the pestered everyone to get out of the hut to explore the resort’s surroundings. Super beautiful. BUT SUPER COLD! >_< dinner was provided. Steamboat. Okay lah. But I think the waitress got tired of our group. We kept asking them to refill soup and then gas went out too. Hehe^_^ we drink a lot of soup! After dinner, went to pack and then SLEEP!
Day 2
Had buffet breakfat. Funny to see the squirrel keep trying to steal the food then get chased away. Wunling jie was so scared that she said that we had to remember to close the cover of the food or not the squirrels will “curi makan”!!! HAHAHS(: after breakfast, we started on the torturous Mt KK climb. Arrrgh! Very tiring! Was 8.2km I think >_< climbing up was tiring on the whole body itself, you should understand. Or not go climb the stairs of your block. Climbing down was straining on the knee joints and the rocky paths also made it hard on our ankles. OUCH! For a short person like me, it was more tiring for me than my longer-legs-than-me brother. HMPH! After hours, I finally reached Laban Rata, had an early dinner then went to bed. Fell sick though. Kept feeling like vomiting but couldn’t.
p.s. the porters we got were boys aged 14 to 17 and they were carrying out things for us. like out 8kg lunch and 2 of them even carried out >10kg bag each?! ZHAI!!! O.O

2010-07-07T03:18:00.000-07:00

random visiting now. will post more the next time esp abt my trip to sabah...

Don’t ever go kay? Well, at least not now… I still need you by my side now so don’t leave me. You promised me to stay on. So please please hang in there and live… you mean the world to me and I would not know what to do without you. That day, when I heard your voice, I was really trying hard to hold back my tears. You sounded so so weak. I could almost imagine your frail body lying on a bed infront of me. You say you love me. Well, so do i. I really do. So don’t leave me cuz the only thing that would hurt me most is if you weren’t here…

2010-05-25T05:32:00.000-07:00

i feel so much better(: but i still feel as if there are some things bothering me...

you just left like that. i know it isnt such a big deal but it kinda hurt that you didnt tell me at all. i only found out after you left. it just made me wonder, do i mean anything to you at all? cause you mean a lot to me... and you always say that we'll always be together but why is it i always feel so insecure? i really wanted us to be together forever, but i guess it's just too much of my own wishing...
are we still close? my dear, assure me again that our friendship will last forever...

geraldine~

2010-05-19T02:40:00.000-07:00

had YOG in school today... 3H won 2nd place for Ultimate Frisbee and an award for frienship?! i don't know where that came from>.< we saw Mr Nor and waved and he waved baccccck!!! hahas very funny but not really surprising anymore hehe^^
enqi hurt her leg today during Ultimate Frisbee cause some guy from 3D fell on her leg... when i saw her crying in pain, i felt as if i was going to cry too): but i told myself that we ( SH-JJ) had to stay strong for enqi... if enqi saw us cry, she might just cry even more... jing yee could not help it and cried. when i saw her tears spill, tear by tear, my tears were on the verge of spilling but somehow i still managed to hold them in. the guy who hurt enqi on accident, he was sorry but he used the wrong words which had some worrying meaning/things in it. when i heard it, i was angry and i wanted to cry all the more... i ended up being cold to him and had to walk-then-run on the track ahile with simin to stop the tears from spilling. i feel guilty afterwards though. he was sorry, my attitude only mad him feel worse... either way, i am glad enqi is feeling better, i hope she'll stay fine and her injury today will not affect anything she does in the future...
haiz....
thats about it for now

geraldine~

2010-05-17T06:38:00.001-07:00

hmmmmmmm... i forgot to update the last time:
desmond's leaving singapore to further his studies in Ireland too... hmmm... saddd... i'm gonna miss him): ahh wells, will be happy while he's still here(:
i'm slowly feeling better and better each day(: which is good i think. i saw two of my papers today. i did quite badly O.O somehow, i was upset but my feelings did not go crashing down the drain... well, surprisingly, i had the "optimistism" to stay "optimistic". joanne said it was a good thing that i could stay optimistic. but i started to wonder, was i really optimistic or was i escaping reality again? i had escaped reality too much that i do not even know how to differentiate reality from fantasy. at times, i do not even know what my true feelings are anymore... haiz... ahh wells, at least i'm a little optimistic?!^^
i dreamt about you last night surprising and fortunately, it was not something horrible... there wasn't anything much that happened- only simple hi-bye type of convo- before i woke up... yea, so there's practically nothing much to report...
now that my emotions are a little more stable and better, i'm starting to take your comments and jokes at full length... i'm no longer feeling zi4 bei1 about it but rather angry at times. don't you think there should be a limit to what you say? i do not know what i did to you but you keep passing off such comments and such. i don't even know whether you are joking or not. when you said," ..." today, i was really pissed off, i really wanted to blast off at you. i do hope that you seriously know your limits, cause if you keep provoking me, my temper might not take it well, and i might blast off real bad... eveb though we're not close, but it's better to have one more friend than an enemy... so yea, i do think you get what i mean...

geraldine~

2010-05-13T07:03:00.000-07:00

hmmmmm... i've managed to feel better recently.
a lot of things have happened and are going to happen. let's just do a bit of updating:
1. uncle ann got married last sat
2. exams finished ystd
3. went out for lunch at swensons with sejj ysta. or rather ejj. so saddd. simin had cca so had to leave early.
4. uncle ann's wedding in malaysia is 2 weeks ltr.
5. specs course is frm 8 - 10 june. im freaking out like crazy
6. class outing might just be on 12 june. cnnt go cuz im leaving for mt kk on 12 june haiz. wished it was on 6 june. im most free on that day sadddd.
7. kenneth's leaving for scotland on 20 june, one day after i return frm mt kk. dunno whether ximei still has the idea of all of us going to send him off at the airport but whatever we'll just sui2 ji1 ying4 bian4. i heard frm sb he's leaving for 2 yrs? 3 yrs? 5 yrs?!qn on our minds is how tall will he be the next time we see him? hope he grows tall, he'll be happy. but i wldn't wanna stand nxt to him. gou4 zi4 bei1 standing nxt to ee sheng when we greet t'chers alr.
ahhh wells, thats abt it for now
geraldine~

2010-05-11T04:15:00.001-07:00

Things haven’t been going too well for me. Ahhh wells… can’t help it.
Not gonna ying4 she4 drama or high now…
I’ve decided on something though. I can’t keep feeling upset and down so I’ll just try my best to be happy. Even if it’s just pretending ( which I’ve been doing), I do believe that if I put in more effort into those pretends, I’ll really gain my spirit and vigor ( not vigorously and start vibrating like Kenneth likes to say) back. So I’ll smile and try to be happy(: I do hope this works. Must have confidence. Simin would tell me(:
Was reading through some saved messages and came across one that jingyee sent to me. One saying in there was this:” what destiny unites, life divides”. I keep pondering over what it meant but just couldn’t get it. “What destiny unites, life divides”? whatever did that mean? I understand the meaning of it the very on-the-surface meaning but am unable to get deeper into it. Will keep trying. Anyone with the meaning, please do tag it and explain. Your help will be greatly appreciated(:

Recently, I no longer think about you. I don’t know why but I guess it’s kind of a good thing. Maybe I’ll end up forgetting you and my feelings for you. Then you’ll just be another passing chapter of my life. A nice one though, like every other crushes I had(: on the other hand, I keep thinking of she-jj and our lives together. Feeling real insecure about our friendship and its lasting. So I’ll just keep reading simin and joanne’s lastest and ONLY posts. It’s kind of comforting and assuring that we’ll last. Well, when I’ve gotten out of this down-ing, sinking feeling, I’ll be back with more crazy and high ideas for us so she-jj just you wait! I’ll be fine cause I’ve your support. Thanks dears(:

2010-05-10T07:26:00.001-07:00

you ask me why i don't you but don't you think you're asking the obvious?
geraldine~

2010-05-10T05:27:00.000-07:00

Heeeeeeeeeeeeys,
Okayyy, I’ve been spaming this blog with emo posts. Sadddd. Well, haven’t fully recovered but shall just update on some nice things(:
Last sat, my uncle finally got married. Hahas… it was so fairytale like. As in the clothes and all. I remembered this,” … declare you man and wife…” *clapppps* soooooooooo sweet!!! Now cannot call her “lixian jie jie” but rather “kiumin” sth liddat. Which is “aunt” in hainanese. Wanted to call her “aunty jolene” though. Sounds nicer(: Haha, I didn’t cry. HEH^^
lunch was catered for 300++ people but only 100+++ people came?! What the?! Wasted my uncle’s $$ and the food! Hmph!
Ahh well, dinner was quite ok. Sat at the main table. Hehe(: super nice. Supposedly sat beside my uncle. Then they went to visit guests, change, etc.
Was quite fun doing reception. Afternoon was ok but dinner was the fun one cuz it was challenging to find the names of the people and their table no on the namelist. Damn fun(:
Liked the midnight blue dress(dinner) better than the pure white one(lunch). I looked super unglam in the white one. Had to make effort to stay not so unglam. The blue one was super short so I wore tights with it. So it seems as if I was wearing my norm jeans and long shirt. I’m not the shu1 nu3 type so my norm actions are not ladylike. With the blue dress and tights, I don’t look so unglam compared to the white one. Yea… I guess that’s about it for the wedding.
Anyway, I missed the march in due to the reception thing. Wanted to see. Cuz Joshua looked so shuai4 and breanna super mei3. Sadddd…
Joshua and breanna are like super cute!!! But they’re leaving on the 21 may, 2 weeks from now. Saddd… they’re ok but hate it when Joshua and grace together are rude. Piss me off like crazy!!!
Ahh wells, at least they’re cute^^
got mummy a recipe book. well she was happy, i think(:
bought two cupcakes and a rose for "mummy" (sebas) for mothers' day. he was super surprised. the look on his face was sweeeeet! hahas. real funny! couldnt help but to laugh. all pink- his fave colour^^
That’s it for now(:
Geraldine~

2010-05-09T03:27:00.000-07:00

time. it goes against everything. i wish i could say stop it, turn it back to the times where we were happy together and like a broken video player, play that scene forever.
in the past, telling myself that "it'll be fine, we'll always be together" worked but recently, no words that i say helps anymore. i don't know what to do anymore. the feeling's really cold and sad. assure me again, my friend, that our friendship will last...

failure. i guess there'll be times where we will feel as if we are failures. i wish it will be over quickly cause it affects me a lot. i feel everything is against me and i'm sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss of sorrows -- depression. when will i stop feeling like this? someone please tell me...
geraldine~

2010-05-05T05:40:00.000-07:00

and sooooo... tmr got chem test. really freaking out now. ah well, jiayous and all the best is all i can say!!!
geraldine~

2010-05-04T12:52:00.000-07:00

Mt KK Mt KK
go away and don't come back
Geraldine don't want to climb
Mt KK go away now! ( rain, rain go away)
hahs...
yea so i've got to climb mt kk in june. seriously not looking forward to it cause i'm not the outdoor type of person and i don't like to get out and sweat. rather stay at home. plus it's going to be super cold. don't know whether i can take it, consiedering that i always fall sick if it's too cold. haiz... but daddy and mummy are looking forward to this trip a lot so i'll just be nice.
yea anyways, i made a deal with mummy. if i can climb 30 timesup my block, i'll get contact lenses and... I WON!!! yupp, i went to climb 30 times and it took me 3 1/2 hours. people think i'm crazyto go to such lengths for the contacts, especially when i jump from 1o times to 30 times; but i'll say that it isn;t about the contacts but rather my pride. i santed to show mummy that i could do it, not just say it. so i broke daddy's current record of 12. HAHAHS^^ go me! determination you rule! and God, thank you for giving me the energy to continue on, the first 20 were quite ok. after all, there's no time limit. it was only at the last 10 that i felt the climbing taking its toll on me. haiz...
ah well, anyways, i wanted contacts cause people say i look nicer without spectacles and causewithout spectacles, i'll be a blind bat so i wanted to try wearing contacts for Uncle Ann's wedding this saturday.
yesterday, we watched "bend it like beckham" in LA class. haven'f finished it but i've already watched it before. real nice show(:
we also read/scrimmed through some texts about the teens today and adulthood. something like that. it made me think about growing up and how much i dread it.
why can't we be like Peter Pan? stay young and forever be childish, naive, whatever! i ust don't want to grow up and get matured.
as we grow up, bit by bit, we lose our innocence, a precious essence of our childhood. i haven'e lost all my innocence, i'm proud to say(i still don't know a lot of sick things. people won't tell me either cause they don't want to pollute my mind-.-), but i'm losing it at a faster and faster rateand that saddens me a lot. why can't we just stay young and pure?
yea so that's about it so i'm going to spill over with some heartfelf things.

you know, the things you said yesterday stinged. i know this isn't the first time but it hits me just as hard every single time. i know you are a straightforward person and just say whatever comes to your mind. but did it ever occur to you that your simple comments could offend/ hurt someone hard? i don't know whether you said it without thinking or out of malice but i sincerely hope it's not the latter. you are someone precious to me and i don't want to lose you over something trival. i can only say that my patience has a limit too. please don't drive me to a corner cause if i were to snap, i know that it will never again be the same for us. i do not wish for us to be hi-be friends...

just a few months into the year and i've already fallen for you. somehow, you're special just different from all the other guys i like but i just cannot tell how. you pull me to you just as how a magnet attracts a metal. i guess it's because i sometimes find you similar to myself in terms of emotional state.
when a thick object, that is attracted to magnets, is placed in between the magnet and the metal, the metal will no longer be attracted to the magnet.
like the magnet and metal, there's a barrier between us. in this case, a distance barrier. you're leaving and who knows when i'll ever see you again? it hurts to think about it. you're the first guy i ever truely liked and for so long too. i guess you're just not meant to be the guy a should like,even if it's just a crush.
this really makes me think of "affections touching across time". time is sth that goes on and on. and we cant stop it no matter how hard we try. to say that affections touch thru time its like two ppl in love but they are seperated and cant get to each other. its not so bad when wat youre fighting agst is distance but this is time. you can't fight it. in this case, it's "affection" without the "s" and it does not touch yours either.
i heard that you suspect that i like you and actually, i don't really care. i'll just be embarrassed but it doesn't really matter. i didn't expect or wanted anything from liking you. i just wanted it to be one-sided. cause so what if it's both ways( it won't happen.)? nothing. yupp, nothing will happen. i know you like someone else and it doesn't bother me for the same reasons for my wanting for a one-sided affection.
anyways, i'll like to thank you cause because of you, i was able to truely like someone for the first time. and do have a safe trip(:
if you do chance upon this, i wish things will not change/ become awkward between us. liking you is not something i want ot can control so please try to understand. our time together(even as friends) is slowly running out every single second. so i hope to treasure whatever time is left(:

"i miss you but thinking of you just makes me sink deeper into an abyss of sorrows..."
geraldine~

2010-04-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

hellos
updating first:
1. i passed my standing broad jump for the first time! i jumped 162cm! super happy...at that time. this is super lagged news/update. this was like on 1 April?!
2. i screwed the emcee thing ystd
3. i screwed math test today
4. i screwed IMT today
in short, i screwed almost everything i did-.-
enough of updates. seriousle very down now. partly cause of the screw ups i made and partly cause of some personal matters. haiz... wanted to talk/MSN someone who might be able to distract me from my pain but it seems that it is not working.
life is short and time waits for no one. before, i thought that i had a lot of time left with you. after all, you did promise me time didn't you? but today, you made me worried. you made me think about the quote:" every goodbye calls for preparation but most times, it takes you by surprise". how true. i never expected anything as bad as this to happen to you. don't say goodbye to me just yet. you promised me loads of things so dont go before you have fuflilled them. i cannot lose you now, i really need you in my life. please, please be safe. you helped me, loved me and cared for me so so much in my life. i want to, i promised to do the same for you. i promised you loads just as you did for me so let me fulfil these promises too or i will never forgive myself for as long as i live. japn, korea, china, etc. i promised to bring you there. i promised to live a good life and give you one too. so please let me do that. dont go. not so soon... please...
geraldine~

2010-04-13T07:22:00.001-07:00

finally, its kinda done. well it is but ive gotta sort out the links, shall do it when ive the time or rather when i actually bother to... ahhhh well, tmr got test but im doing wrong things at the wrong time...yea i know times precious and it waits for no one but i feeling very sian now. no motivation to study. shall wake up early and study tmr morn.
today during cca had project runway. i think i seriously screwed up my part as the emcee haiz... tmr got IMT... really last min. wld seriously like to come home and sleep but tobe able to learn how to live shoot will be super cool too.
got new specs recent;y cuz my last one broke... dont ask how-.-
wanted black, same colour as Adrian but my mother said purple was nicer. with the help of the optician, she managed to sway me and we bought purple which i feel saddd now... cld hve had black! wld hve been so cool to hve same colour as Adrian! like siblings' trend or sth?! you get what i mean lah.
a lot of things happened since my last post so ill just briefly list.
1. i fell for someone ( liking sb is a hassle. trust me!)
2. henry went frm my "husband" (last yr speech n drama) to my daddy, ive sebastian poh as my mummy n sally as my sister. seriously, sebastian started this. SERIOUS!
3. i was super down but gettin better
4. im still but seriously stressed with the amt of workload n tests i hve. plus all the science things ive gotta memorise and understand. i just cant get physics! n chem i cnnt rmb! im just not made for the science stream
5. i hve finally talked to lil' sis hannah. talking to her made me realised how true this quote is. " every goodbye calls for preparation, but most time, it takes us by surprise". i know its been a yr since she migrated. somewhat lah but i still miss her.
okayyyy, im seriously summarising and in a hurry. apologies on the grammar mistakes and short forms and bad english. seriouly no time.
ahhhh well, i guess its this for now
geraldine~

2010-04-13T06:28:00.000-07:00

once again, this is in construction mode....
that's all for now
geraldine~

im still down

2010-03-26T09:10:00.000-07:00

why why why why cant these feelings go away? its been like....erm...way more than a day. talked to marvin yesterday. he made some assumptions but i still couldnt tell what was wrong with me. but i find it rather scary that it could actually be the assumption marvin made about relationships. he guessed it that i had someone i liked and he said that it might be because i wanted to forget something. wow, he hit the nail! as in no he didnt get out why i was feeling down neither did i. but he's right that i wanna forget the guy i like. haix... it'll be scary if this truely was the right one. still searching for the reason for my blues.
tried studying for the green rep zoo thing. mental block. cannot absorb anything. sadddd): if fail, then dieeeeeeeeee. cannot write anything too. no inspiration because of mental block + lack of simplicity + lack of experience about love. it's about rejection. no experience so cannot write anything. or rather i already tried but found it rather crap.
hmmmm... in these hols, i found out marvin was a sociable and nice person i could talk to. like heartfelt things and problems. he really took in a lot of what i said in considerationa and tried to help. like childhood problems about my emotional being and suchhhh... very sweet and i'm super grateful to him(: and if you think i like him since i've been praising him. no he isn't the one.
well, but i would kinda wish to relate to somebody that could understand what i'm feeling. haix... but people in my surrounding all are either high or i'm not so close them yea. was the barrier i built around the different layers of myself too many? too strong for anyone to break through to me? i wonder...

DOWN

2010-03-26T08:35:00.000-07:00

okayyy... i'm seriously feeling very down for no particular reason... hahs... yesterday, i was kinda high when i talked to joanne but when i got onto the bus and sat there alone, i just had this sinking feeling. i dont know why im feeling like this but i dont like it and it roubles me. haix...

2010-02-16T00:12:00.000-08:00

okayyy so i'm back from melacca... spent about 2 hrs making a straw heart potrait. ahhh, i'm sorry kenneth i made you teach me how to make the straw heart when all i lacked was the first step. ah sorry sorry!
slept on the whole ride to melacca but woke up groggily a few times. let's see, i heard a commotion, and something about an accident. too sleepy, was doing homework until 1 plus on thurs. heh...
i was singing to the christian songs played while my bro went," oh yea" many many times. he sounded like kenneth haha. sorry, but kenneth sits behind me in class so i notice... heh, i got my poor darling bro into agreeing to buy a matching sibling suit. heh, my fanatic craze about hoodies and guy 3/4 pants has been going on for the past few years. my bro was a dear to agree to let me have such designs for our matching sibling clothes! haha, YEAH!
my cousins came over the next day. Ah kiat looked so different. he rebonded his hair, i really don't know what to say. Lai Lai's voice finally broke! i don't know whether to rejoice or cry. the last time i saw him, his voice was still high pitch... so unused to it. jeremy looks, hmmm, more matured? watched "hai pai tian xin" episode 1 and 11. quite cute. seriously summarising. my cousins only stayed for one night so disappointed...
watched " Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief". very cool! it's something like narnia though not as good. amos should go watch. he wanted to. heh:)
came back on monday and gathered for dinner at aunty kim's house for steamboat. kids are sooooooooooooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha.
no pics to show cause can't upload.

2010-02-10T04:19:00.000-08:00

okayyy... so my blog is like seriously DEAD! ok, not like it's unexpected... i nvr care much about blogging so when i eventually rmb to blog, it's like months!!! heheh... jy has gave up reprimanding me. haha... such a sweet darling!
i've gotten into a new class: 3H and am studying chem, phy and hist. ok, my class chairperson are xiu mei and kenneth. super funny and cute ppl. i sit just next to the door and I'M SURROUNDED BY GUYS?!!!!!! ah wat?! wat just happened to my brain to sit somewhere surrounded by guys was like my first thought. but after awhile i think my seating arrangement is not bad. the guys are super funny. timothy likes to sing and his singing is funny. amos is as he calls himself "racist, vulgar and..." oh my! wat was the last one?! ahhhhhhhhhh! how could i have forgotten it?! i was just telling huiling about it! haha, but he's quite a nice substitute for jing yee as my "quarreling partner". wahhhh, seriously fun.... don't know how i'll survu=ive without anyone to quarrel with.... heheh:) lastly, kenneth...hmmm... he quite nice lah. funny guy and ermmmm.... ahhh hui ling describe it as "cute"... sry but i think he's just like any other guy i see... just friendly... and talkable. how did i do that?
i've made friends with some girls tooo. very nice people. erm... got mei xin, lan ruo, qian hui, xiu mei, so on and so forth....
Me's daddy's bday today so.....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY
geri:)
2 more days and i'll be heading to malacca! woohoo! yea! i finally get to see jeremy after 4 years? i don't remember. yea, yea:)
reading joanne darling's blog just now... under her unfulfilled wishes was something that made me look twice: SHE-JJ t-shirt... haix... feeling bad... the price was really expensive... now i'm thinking whether to redesign the t-shirt.... haix...
ah, i guess that's about it for now. so until next time...wonder when is that?! heh

2009-12-07T04:51:00.000-08:00

soooo... my last post was in august... so very long ago. okayyy...
hmmm... hope that my post this time is longer:)
i fell sick with i don't know whether it is food poisoning or stomach flu... can't tell. but i found the medicine rather interesting. there was this powder medicine, can't remember its name but its supposed to be some good bacteria; and it actually smells like banana!!! i had thought that my mum was cooking banana in porridge until i realised it was the medicine! the abdominal pain pills look rather cute. they're small and orange in colour, rather kawaii:)
few days ago, i went to my church conference, 3 - 5 dec. the messages were really good and the speakers were entertaining. we had Matthew Barnett, from the dream centre in LA( www.dreamcentre.org ), Doug Lasit, from the pearl church in Colorado ( www.thepearlchurch.org ) and our very own youth pastor, Jeremy Seaward ( www.theedge.org.sg ). personally, i liked Matthew Barnett the best, he was rather entertaining and, hmmm... i don't really know how to explain how i felt but i just liked his sermons. the black notebook was really nice and they gave us a blue wristband for those who signed up for the whole conference. i liked the wristband so i bought the yellow one at $1 and the pink one at $2. infortunaetly, i can't upload the pictures onto my computer due to technical problems.
well, i guess this is it for now:)

2009-08-16T03:43:00.000-07:00

okayyy, so it seems that my attempt to post the last time failed. WAT HAPPENED?! so then, i shall try to rmb wat i wrote and sadly n boringly rewrite them...
okay, firstly, to sherry n jing yee, STOP nagging at me... i havent the time to really blog or use the com. 2ndly, to enqi, i have a tagboard, dunno how many times ive said it... hiaz...
n so, life's still the norm... ok, i really have nth to say. hopefully, my com wont sabo me again...
bb

2008-12-07T05:36:00.000-08:00

(from left)Darlings Breanna, Grace, Ryan and Joshua with Christmas deco at Orchard

Cousins at early Christmas for the Woodsons

Grace and Breanna at Chinese Garden

These are a few pictures during the Woodsons' (Joshua, Breanna,etc) stay in Singapore. Really gonna miss them; they are not coming back next year, SOBS,SOBS!!!
This year has been okayyy, had been quite busy but okayyy. JLPT just finished today, chiat lat... Had a lot of fun with SiMin, EnQi,Joanne and JingYee. Man, i love you ppl loads!!! Jing Yee, don't say you don't need my love... hahas. NCC still okayyy.
Made quite a lot of frens, never thot i could make so many in my 1st year. Made some crazy "family" game. Pull innocent Javia into it, hahas... At least i made a new fren,hee... so much for now

2008-10-29T03:20:00.000-07:00

hey there=)
life after exams is quite okayyy... school gonna end soon. happy. we have yr-end hols hw, which surprised me a little. quite different from pri sch, still trying to get use to the sec sch system. getting the hang of it but still dont understand some things...
for chinese n math, we are somewhat still having lessons. geog: we listen to mrs ong's stories n R(sth) n Relax (RnR). history,i dunno yet. sci and LA, we're watching movies. sci: Helen the Baby Fox. still halfway... but quite nice so far. LA: The Great Debators n Dead Poets' Society. The Great Debators was quite nice. racism, etc. now watching the dead poets' society, halfway but seems interesting.
results so far okayyyy... was praying real hard i would not fail sci papers. physics was not too good but at least i didnt fail, phew. enqi n joanne too, yea! chemistry is better but very frusrating. got one careless mistake or not i get A1... arrgh! haix... wat's done can't be undone. others okayyy lah but havent seen CL paper 1 yet.
just found out how my cousin studies( homeschooling)... seems tougher than wat we learn here. grade 1(P1) already geog n history!!! wow... we only learn that in sec 1.
okay, nth much to say already...

Deepavali Hols Outing

2008-10-28T03:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Deepavali hols. Went out to Bugis with EnQi, Joanne and SiMin... Supposed to be SHEJJ outing but then Jing Yee couldn't come... sobs...
I was VERY excited... dont ask why...hee... Met Joanne and SiMin at the JE interchange... i dunno how to go wat... dont go out often...crapped a lot on the train. We met enqi n her whole family at bugis. enqi was wearing a mini skirt... so cute! ( with enqi, any clothe seems possible... so JY n I like guessin wat she might where...) enqi did NOT look like the girl who would whack guys...( girls, it's fun! hahas...)enqi's bro, i keep forgettin his name ARRGH!, really looks like enqi. they shld be twins!
Went shopping. saw a few quite things... really had to draggg myself away from the shops to resist temptation... but i could not resist buying a few things:
-hairclippps( for Grace n Brianna)
- hp cover ( SHEJJ all has one each!)
- sweets ( for bro, Joshua , Grace n Brianna)
Had octopus balls n prawn balls(Joanne) for lunch. yum! hehe... (popcorn at the cinema ltr)
Went window shopping afterwards... to kill time... saw a hat? i really like... maybe gonna ask my parents but for me...hehe... enqi was becomin a fashion... er... advisor... she said this colours suited us
- me... white
- joanne...i dont rmb!!!
-simin...light colours
-jingyee... dark colours
-herself...she dunno
LOLX...
became "lost sheeps"at prince tower lookin for the ticket booth. ther were only 4 of us in the WHOLE cinema! movie's okayyy... but i was gettin a little too emotional... scoldin the ... er... villians...hehe...(as uaual-.-). endin quite sad... but a bit ... wat the? they actually buried the girl alive?!!! at 1 pt, the fightin was quite fake... quite obvious... no offence...
Enqi LURVES wuzun!!!
To go back to bugis junction, had to cross a heavy traffic road... enqi really gave me a surprise... grabbed my hand and ran across the road!
Very crowded at bugis street. saw quite some nice things... enqi kept sayin this suit me, that suit me... haix... gd thing i wouldnt wear those clothes( too... er ... girl?!) and i didnt buy them. liked a few guy's clothes... dont worry... im really a girl...haix...enqi's reaction to my likin was predictable.
Enqi, other than the clothing, seemed like the normal enqi in sch. cute, fun,enthu, hyper, the person who keeps us going n stayin happy!
Took pics of the hp covers on the way back, very happy.hee... cant wait for the nxt outing but gotta run to the library 1st. havent read for so long!!! must rush, rush! hahas...

2008-10-01T06:08:00.000-07:00

Hey ppl,
firstly, Happy Children's Day to all students and Hari Raya Adilfitri to all Muslims=)
today was okayyy... Exams are round the corner so I had to study. There was homework to do, of course. Let's see... there was chinese tuition in the morning,had guests in the afternoon. hahas... That wasn't the best... I treating my family to dinner which cost me a bomb but i didn't regret. They were happy. My bro treated dessert. ahhh well... this day wasn't wasted. i studied, did homework and many more.
But i feel bad... i said i MIGHT meet up with Chendana and Jie Qi but in the end i didn't have the time... Man, i feel bad. I'll have to make up to them...

2008-09-28T05:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my parents came back from Bangkok. Yea! i don't need qi zao ba zao wake up to go to school. Can zzzzzzzzz more... heehee....
Anyway, i got real lots of presents. Let's see, i got clothes, an adidas sling bag and some jewellery.
Slept very late but still as happy as ever. Today, went to church and the church had invited some pastor... Pastor Terry Wong. He preached about how the flesh is like the amalakites, they'll harm us, sneaking from the back. The thought of it is pretty scary...Think about you being attacked when you least expect it... It was pretty meaningful and service was interesting, at least interesting enough to catch my attention. heehee.... i'm rather naughty=]
Well, end here now. *.*<3

2008-09-25T05:23:00.000-07:00

oh yea, to add on, i'll try puttin last holidays pics in too.
saw some cute, real cute... desserts? i dunno, but they seemed
nice so i took their pics=]

2008-09-25T05:17:00.000-07:00

hey, this is james. i did mention earlier that he is one of the

cute and sometimes childish cousins i have=] he's a nice. i'm tryin to get the others' photos. sad, can't get it yet...hahas...

I love you!!!

2008-09-23T04:03:00.000-07:00

Life will be a bore without you around. Ít'll be all dark and dull. You're the bright sun in my life. Your friendly smile and cheeriness lights my world... You're the best sun ever, my best friend=]

Trip to Melaka

2008-09-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we went Back to Melaka. saw all my cousins that were from KL. Although they were older than I, they are so cute and nice. You just got to love them~
Let's see, there was (from the oldest) Winnie ( husband- Jensen), Danny, Mark aka Fifi, James And not forgetting, Bryan. We made fun of Mark's pet name Fifi, which sounded like a dog or cat. hahas.. plus Winnie too. My bro was saying "Winnie The Pooh" Poor James... Cuz Winnie didn't have the heart to get at my bro, she got at James. hahas... poor guy.
We went to the beach and had lots of fun. ooo, the wind was good. They took good care of my bro and i.
man, i miss them already~~

intro.

2008-07-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

howdy! i juz threw myself into the world of blogging. sorry for the lack of posts in the future.
i dunno much abt blogging so be patient for posts.